Making a bet at a bar

Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy.

Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money.

"I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news." "No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"

Arriving home very drunk

Bartender Jokes

A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home."

The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.

The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"

The Drinks Are On Me

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender [with a drunken slur], \'Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill.\'

So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $157.00.
The drunk says, \'I haven\'t got it.\'

The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.

The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says [with a drunken slur], \'Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill.\'

The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can\'t possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $167.00.

The drunk says, \'I haven\'t got it.\'

The bartender can\'t believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street.

The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says [with a drunken slur], \'Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, give me the bill.\'

In disgust, the bartender says, \'What, no drink for me this time?\'

The drunk replies, \'You! No Way! You get too violent when you drink.\'